Missing Pages

Lately life has been feeling 'stalled' for me. I look around and see my friends and family all moving forward with their lives and can't help but feel stuck. I'm stuck at my college job because I can't get hired anywhere else (who can with this economy?), no serious relationship, and I mostly spend my nights at home. And really, that's all I want to do after waiting on several hundred people a day. And that is the catch 22 in this twisted vicious circle of 'not having a life.'

The other problem I find myself facing is "what do I want?" While I look at my friends and family I see them happy and doing the -- normal, for lack of a better word -- progression: relationship, moving in, marriage, family, jobs, ect. And there's nothing wrong with this, and they're happy. But I don't know if that's how I want to do it. I know I will want a family and love, but I feel strange for not feeling much interest in it now. And inevitably since my older sister and younger brother are both committed I frequently face the question of "So are you seeing anyone? How's the job hunt going? Are you moving soon?" And every time I get these questions get that feeling of being stalled. Because the truth is I am stalled.

Have you ever read a book where there are a few pages missing? And even though you get the general idea of what occurred in those few pages from reading around it, you can't help but feeling cheated, as though that small missing bit is the key to something bigger? I feel like a book with missing pages. I'm not sure what story I am or even my ending, but I feel like there's a crucial piece that holds the answer to the next chapter in my life. If only I could turn the page.

I know LIFE is all about the unknown, but it's also not about doing nothing. And no matter what I try to do, I feel a big nothingness right now. I'm hoping for a nice wind of change to blow through and maybe lift the next page for me when I least expect it. Or maybe a cabana boy carrying a new copy of my book to my front door.