Walls

Finding yourself facing a wall is not the obstacle. The obstacle is in letting yourself believe there's no way to climb it.

As it so happens, I've been 'walling.' Lately, all around in my life, I turn and find a wall. It's discouraging. It goes from trying to believe and hold on to the idea that things will turn out how they're suppose to, to start feeling as though every wall against you, is a personal attack.

Yesterday, when confronted with just one more heavy brick, I felt like throwing in the towel on it all. It seemed like the last straw I could carry. The last slap in the face from the universe I could take with any amount of grace. Almost like a cruel joke. It made me begin to wonder why I just keep trying so hard when it feels like all I do is fail.

And that question starts a cascading flow of negative thoughts about who I am and what I'm really doing with my life; it un-dams any stability I've built for myself and it ends up isolating me. Looking back, I've realized far too many times in the past, I've given up - I've let the bricks and the walls define me and stop me.

I don't know what happened (maybe just a good night's sleep), but somehow this morning I woke up and realized all the work and changes I've been making aren't worth throwing the towel in on quite yet. I still have an end game, where I'm at now was never meant to be it, and it's just a matter of being able to keep going. One more brick on the wall is nothing. It just means a little more work to get to the top - and since I knew I wasn't done yet, it's that much easier to continue to climb.