Holding Back

I've talked before about feeling 'stalled,' like my life has plateaued. While I've been believing the reason behind this is an accumulation of circumstances coming to head, I've also been realizing perhaps some of it's me. Just me. I'm beginning to realize I have opportunities and I blame not using them on other circumstances. I think it's because I'm afraid. I'm sitting around waiting for something to happen when I could be making things happen.

I suppose what I'm most afraid of is missing out on other opportunities (the ones I'm waiting on to happen). But more and more recently I've been realizing no matter what I do, things are still going to happen whether I'm around for them or not. Things are happening in places I'm not in now to people I don't yet know or care about.

I've been so afraid about needing to make the decision between one life or another that I'm not doing either. And that's not living. I think part of it too, is I've had stuff going on with people I love and by pure chance I've been here to help. It scares me to think that if I hadn't been here they'd have been left alone. Not that they couldn't and wouldn't have been able to handle their situations or get through them, but I'm afraid that where I'd be able to help I'll be removing myself from those moments.

I'm living a life dominated by fear. Fear is the greatest inhibitor, no matter if things turn out good or bad or somewhere in between. Chances are the key to living fully and my own fears, whether they're only in my head or if they're real are the things holding me back.

I know now that I have to work on moving past my fears and regardless how life turns out be thankful for the opportunities.